Loneliness

Loneliness

 

So there you have it.

What social media is doing to your brain…

It’s true.

We can all fall into that trap of portraying a certain image, seeking attention from others, or using our smart phones in dumb ways.

I think about this all the time.

I have two precious little ones that look to me for everything. How often do they see me in my phone? I don’t want that.

I’m a communications major. I love interaction.

I love to study and analyze interpersonal communication.

I also have a hard time being alone.

This video was posted along with this quote: β€œIf you make friends with yourself you will never be alone.” -Maxwell Maltz

I like that…because guess what?

Right now Michael is asleep on the couch. He’s taking major meds for his ankle surgery, and he’s wiped out.

He’s trying to do the best he can to be engaged, but most of the time his foot has to be elevated. (Ok, all of the time.)

My mother’s day was a little rough to say the least. Everyone posting pictures of their elaborate celebrations, adorable kids all dressed up, or whatever else.

Mine was hard. I burnt the banana bread I was supposed to take to church that day. I forgot the flour. I laughed and said, I guess it’s gluten free.

But then I cried. It was a dumb thing, but I felt stupid.

I pulled myself together, remade it, and it turned out fine.

My day wasn’t glamorous. The highlight was hearing my angel sing “Mother Dear” for the first time from the stage at church. It was so sweet and tender.

I was exhausted. I did a lot that day, same as every day, but there was a little chip on my shoulder. I felt alone and kept thinking about this ideal of “mother’s day off” that was portrayed.

I love being a mom. I had a great day. I made mac n’ cheese. I laughed with my girls, and we read lots of books and sang songs.

I tucked them in, and they weren’t tired…but I was.

After trying just about everything I just closed the door and sat on the floor.

Pregnant at 36 weeks on the floor isn’t pretty, but hey…

Then I said a silent prayer. I asked for strength. I asked for help. I asked that the enabling power of the Atonement would lift me up.

I know God’s there. I know He cares. It brought a special spirit and tears to my eyes.

I sat there for 5 minutes while the girls through the door were giggling and turning on and off the light.

Then I heard a voice from the other room. It was Michael who had been resting on the couch. No guilt there…he’s in serious rehab….but anyway, he said, “Jill what are you doing?”

And I answered, “Putting the girls to bed…” in a normal, hiding my crying sort of way.

He then said, “Are you crying?” And I thought…WHAT?!? How does he know?

I never lie, so I said, “Yes…”

Next thing I know he’s hobbling down the hall on his crutches and gets the girls to bed in less than 5 minutes. (Not sure what he did in there.)

He cuddled me back on the couch and I said, “How did you know? How did you wake up?”

It was an answer to my prayers. God knew I needed help, and Michael was there within minutes.

Such a tender experience. Sacred and real.

I’m grateful for the calling as a mom.

So when I feel alone, I’m not.

I have a supportive spouse. I have a wonderful mom and MIL. I have two precious girls, countless friends, and even “fake friends” via social media.

I just hope that I remember to cultivate the real, most lasting and most personal relationship with God.

I was reminded of that this mother’s day. I’m a mom… a real mom.

Not just the ones on social media, but the ones that have good days and bad.

The ones that forget flour, make a mac n’ cheese or pancake dinner, and just say, “I’m doing the best I can.”

I can’t wait to meet our little girl.

Michael gets off crutches and in a boot around the same week I’m due. Prayers we all pull together and things will go well.

I love this life, my family and all I’m learning.

Now I’m going to go spend some quality time alone. Maybe I’ll sit outside..read a book, or just relax on my bed.

No phone, no more blogging, no distractions.

It’s a good reminder every now and then.Jill_Taylor_Words_Blog

 

 

Advertisements

4 responses to “Loneliness

  1. You have done it again Jill!!! Another amazing blog where you dare to be honest so others can connect and feel of your love for everything you hold so dear! You are an inspiration for good in the lives of so many! Oh how I love you and your message of Loneliness and your tremendous faith and love! Hugs!

  2. Learning to be by oneself is a very hard thing to do. Sometimes I feel it seeping into the core of me! You handled it very well and found Peace…your “Knight” wheeled his “two stout sticks and came to the rescue”. Yes he knows you… you are Eternally ONE!

  3. Thank you for your positive influence on the world. You are a great mother and spouse. Great insights about being comfortable with disconnecting from social media and reconnecting to real-life, in-person interactions. Love you.

Tell me what you think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s